Beamish
Beamish the Mastador
is quite the dog to adore.
Black with an undercoat of brown, weighing in at 125 pounds,
Is probably one of the more famous dogs around.
Big head, ears, and jowls attract most of his calls,
And when he walks away, you can’t miss his giant balls.
Unaware of his size, he will use your lap as his seat,
He is able to charm any man, woman, or child with a heartbeat.
He loves to stand in water, as he cannot swim without a life vest,
And will drown you even while swimming your best.
Every dirty pond, lake, river, or creek—
It’s a weekly bath because of his constant stink.
He will dig holes and destroy the garden in the yard,
And is too slow to catch the rabbits, bumbling like a goofball guard.
He gets joy out of scaring other dogs and their folk,
As he will sneak up and bark just once, as if it's a big joke.
He takes large sh**s, sometimes five or six a day,
Eats fifty pounds a month—a shit-making machine, I say.
He also sheds a lot, drools, slobbers, and leaks.
Cleaning the house every day is a chore,
And it's dirty again seven days a week.
He is now twelve years old and has started slowing down.
Thinking about him leaving us is a bummer and really makes me frown.
As there are never any bad days with Beamish—
None. Zilch. Zero.
Beamish is the best dog, and will forever be my hero.